In defense of being lost: why I chose industrial engineering
I didn’t choose engineering, engineering chose me.
As absurd as the headline may be, it actually did happen that way.
Please understand that I find it very difficult to share this because I will only be talking about my failures in this article and not my achievements, thus the depressive tone.
For those who are just beginning their path, deciding what you want to do for a living with little to no experience can be overwhelming.
I had a strong interest in literature when I was a kid. The teacher, not the subject, was what drew me in. This wasn’t to say that I disliked other classes; I only felt that our teachers’ explanations of other subjects lacked enthusiasm.
Needless to say, after years of struggling to keep up with the one-size-fits-all education system, I was completely lost.
With no clear goal in mind, I made lots of mistakes along the way.
I started thinking about what I wanted to do for a living in my senior year of high school.
I was completely oblivious to the purpose of taking the university exam because I was preoccupied with getting great results on it.
Then the application process for universities began. When you don’t know what you want, you allow other people to make the decision for you: a recipe for disaster.
My parents urged me to pursue a career in medicine, but I declined. I didn’t want to jeopardize my values or principles.
But once more, this begged the question: If you don’t know what you want, what values do you even have?
I had to make a decision. A compromise. I talked to several coaches who helped me with admissions. I talked to my friends who were applying as well. I failed to find a fulfilling answer.
One of the coaches suggested that I look into industrial engineering since it is a flexible degree with many prospects. At first, I was skeptical because I had never heard of industrial engineering before.
I did some research, thought about it, and decided that it would be my top pick.
Fast forward to when the university started. Soon the rose-colored glasses fell off: first time being away from family and friends, new country, lots of responsibilities, new dorm, roommate problems.. you name it.
Our dreams rarely live up to our expectations. It was preposterous of me to believe that by changing my environment, I would turn into a different person.
I was simply in denial about any of the choices I made thus far.
So what happens when life offers nothing? You look elsewhere for the answer. You may believe that happiness can be found, but in reality, it is something you build.
I began shifting my attention away from my agony. I partied, skipped courses and exams, considered changing my major, and refused to accept that this was who I really was: a truly miserable person with no destination.
The world was being struck by COVID-19 as I was on the verge of destruction. I had to return home and spend the following two years in quarantine.
So many things happened during those 2 years: I got into mindfulness, yoga, programming, acquired a business partnership and so much more.
I was also making good money. I intended to leave the university and continue working for myself.
Then, universities declared that it would no longer be held online. This time I was given 2 choices:
- Get your degree first
- Build your own business first
Exactly a year ago, I made the decision to come back and finish what I started. It wasn’t going to be easy.
But this time, I learned to face my reality. I was no longer avoiding myself.
I firmly believe that nobody is entirely self-aware since we are all accustomed to living in our own heads and are too fixated on pleasing others.
We let someone or a single circumstance change the course of our lives. We let the waves of the ocean determine our final destination.
I discovered that you should follow through on your decision after you’ve made it.
This is the story of my struggle, which has lasted for years: ambivalence.
No, I wasn’t going to make up something ridiculous and tell you how I knew what I wanted right away: I did not.
It wasn’t my choice, it was the best alternative I had at the time, and I took it.
Am I happy with my choice? Substantially.
Going back to something you committed and abandoned makes it a lot harder to persevere. It’s the same reason why people quit once and rarely go back: because they lose their confidence.
This time, I managed to overcome my fears. I just made the decision to fight in a fight-or-flight scenario. Little did I know that fighting your distractions is a healthy distraction — something you choose.
Choose your distraction. Choose your struggle.
One thing you can take away from my story is that being lost is part of the process. You cannot escape your misery if you don’t identify it, no matter how many self-help books you read or routines you establish.
Embrace it. Don’t run from it.
Thank you!
Let me know what you think of this article. PM me for any questions or comments.
